With This Life, This Death

Here's a little secret: pregnancy is not for the faint of heart. I was reading Week 14 of "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and I had to laugh when it said something like "Hey, nothing to this pregnancy stuff now, right? It should all be a breeze for you in second trimester." This was clearly written by an alien who was not pregnant with a human baby. I would certainly not classify the week I've had as breezy.

For those that don't know: I am blogging from NC where any minute now, we are hoping and praying my sister will go into labor. Really, we've been hoping and praying for this all week, but it's not like we've just been sitting here.

My sister's dog Ginger, a very beloved pet friend to me, was diagnosed last week with end-stage cancer that began in her liver and was rapidly spreading to her lungs.

I knew Ginger almost from the day my sister "accidentally" brought her home from the pound. She had gone to get her neighbor's roaming cat out of impound and was quite taken with the "male lab mix," who if 6 weeks old, was barely that. The "male lab mix" turned out to be Ginger, our beloved girl, and American Pit Bull Terrier to the stars. This pocket-sized pup went to grad school with my sister: in her purse! She used to rip up everything in her reach: books, shoes, it was all fair game. But she was always the sweetest, kindest, gentlest dog I ever knew. When I lived with my sister, Ginger and I went everywhere together. She even went with me to my therapist's office--no kidding. Louise didn't offer dog-bringing to all of her clients, but Ginger had a gentle way of making everyone adore her and by the end of most appointments, she was asleep on the couch next to me. Ginger also loved bubble baths and I am not kidding when I say she took one--with me!--nearly every single evening. It was my love for Ginger that inspired me to get Molly, though after meeting rambunctious Molly, I actually considered asking my sister if she might trade me for Ginger (!), though I knew she never would. All of this is to say, Ginger was my great friend. I love her so very dearly.

As you may know or have guessed by now, Ginger is no longer with us. When my mom and I arrived in NC Monday, Ginger was so very thin, but still managed to get on her hind legs and put her front paws on me in welcome. But she was fading fast. Wednesday night, my sister and I were with her around the clock as she began to struggle to breathe and could not seem to lie still, panting and eventually crying for pain meds. Thursday, we knew what we had to do, though the decision was excruciating. A wonderful veterinarian from Peaceful Passings came to my sister's house on Thursday afternoon, confirmed what we knew--that Ginger's body was shutting down--and we petted and held our girl as she crossed over. It was a very precious moment and I could see immediately when she had left her body.

Even though I no longer live with Ginger, it has been so strange that she isn't here. We are incredibly lonesome for her wonderful spirit and steadfast love and I keep expecting her every time I walk in the back door.

So we've had a hard week, but I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I needed to be with my sister and with Ginger, though it left us all so much worse for the wear. For the first time in my pregnancy, my nausea turned to vomiting and it wouldn't stop the whole day of Ginger's death. Between the crying and not being able to keep water down, I felt my heart was dying right along with Ginger. Even Baby Turner was mourning. On top of that, I now have a rattling cough, a sore throat, and well, I don't want to admit the rest to myself for fear I might actually be really sick. My sister, exhausted, stressed, and grieving, had long, strong contractions, but we are still waiting on baby's debut.

For now, we're optimistic baby will come tonight,but have decided to stay in NC through Sunday evening and leave Monday morning to return, instead of in the morning as originally planned. Please think good thoughts for us all as we celebrate the life of our dear Ginger and also prepare to welcome a new life to our family.

Love,
Mary, the Maw, and family

P.S. On a cheerier note, my mom and sister kick-started my layette with adorable sleep suits and onesies and a TON (maybe 24?) of brand new all-in-one cloth diapers in three sizes, a diaper pail liner, three wet sacks, cloth wipes, 2 dozen Indian pre-fold diapers, and more. Anyway, this is exciting stuff, so I will blog more about it when I am feeling cheerier and can post pics. Stay tuned!