The House of Tomorrow

Since I went on kind of a mini-tear about babies and gender this morning on my twitter, I thought I might as well comment in long-form on my blog. Are you all familiar with Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet? I was introduced to this marvelous work of poetry by my brother-in-law, who gave the book to my sister many years ago. Here is what Gibran has to say about children that beautifully articulates my philosophy, as well.

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Before I knew I was having a boy, so many people (strangers, especially) implored me to find out so they could buy me the appropriately gendered items or comment about his or her future as an appropriately gender-specific thing. And this is perhaps the reason why I didn't want to know and once I did, wanted to hold my secret close. Admittedly, I did go a little cuckoo when I saw some little dinosaur shoes for my precious son, but maybe someday if I have a little girl, she will love to wear them, too. My point is: my son is not even here and already the world is trying to tell him who he can be and I don't like it! He can be anything! He is the sun and moon and stars to his mommy already, but his destiny is not written.

My reply to some people has raised more than a few eyebrows when I said I don't care if he is gay or transgender or Mr. Lumberjack like his dad. And I don't! But even if he is not going against the grain in such ways that are central to his identity, I want him to be free to do and see and think what he will, without the world prejudicing his views from the moment his eyes first can see. Is this a hopeless idealistic wish? It may be. But for my son, I wish for the world to be his and I will protect, with my life and my whole heart, that opportunity.