PUPPP-date

Well, this post is about 3 weeks overdue, but frankly, I had to wait to write it until I could do so without watering my keyboard in the confetti of tears thrown at my daily pity parties. I still have them; let me bear no false witness about being stoic through this ordeal, but having survived three weeks of this, I REALLY know what I'm made of and also, that I can make it the rest of the way, which, God willing, will not be that much longer.

So first, if you haven't been tuning into my constant cries of agony via the twitter-verse and occasionally the facebook-verse, you might be wondering: what in the PUPPP is PUPPP?

It would not be terribly far off the mark to explain it simply as the 7th circle of hell. But that's not super descriptive, though, let's face it--the name of it isn't either. PUPPP, that most cuddly-sounding of all afflictions, stands for pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy. Broken down that means...itchy skin blisters and hives from pregnancy. Very science-y!

You know how I complained about stretch marks earlier and ho ho ho, man, were they damned itchy! Okay, well I found out I'm not just a whiney lady with stretch marks. My stretch marks were freakish, included little insect-looking bites called "vesicles" and if you get pregnant and have stretch marks like mine (though you only have about a 1 in 250 chance! hey!), please know that you're not being dramatic when you think, damn! I want to scratch my skin off!

So I'd actually had PUPPP much longer than I had known about it, but it was only when it spread to my arms and hands and soon feet, legs, thighs, back, shoulders, underarms, breasts, upper abdomen, behind the knees...that I knew it wasn't just stretch marks anymore.

In a most lovely turn of events, the very worst of the rash subsided within about a week of all-over onset thanks to 3 to...7 daily baths with pine tar soap (I went through 2 hefty bars within this week), 3 bottles of Sarna lotion, 2 tubes of hydrocortisone, 2 boxes of oral benadryl, 6 capsules daily of each: milk thistle, dandelion root, and stinging nettle, and one full-body painting of corn starch and water paste that occurred at 4 a.m. one particularly agonizing day.

I am now on a maintenance routine, taking 2 to 3 pine tar or PUPPP-relief soap (made by a woman in Washington state, an apparent martyr, who had PUPPP 9 times) showers daily, 1-2 benadryls each night to sleep, cool wash cloths and Sarna on my stretch marks intermittently during the day, plus continued supplements of milk thistle, dandelion root, and stinging nettle. I still get itchy, but I can sit still for minutes at a time, don't constantly have to rotate ice packs across my burning skin, and even sometimes wear clothes.

What I cannot do is go out in the heat, even for a few minutes, wear any clothing with a waistband, or lie in one position at night too long, lest I get at all hot or damp and cause the rash to erupt. What I also cannot do is lose heart and cry all the time. Crying is therapeutic to be sure, but it doesn't make the rash go away or my baby get here any sooner and it does make me question why I ever wanted to be pregnant. And I do not want my little boy to hurry his way into the world because I threw in the towel or ever thought he wasn't worth it.

And there have been some silver linings! For one thing, with the exception of a few trips to the office, I work from home every day, in my nightgown! My mom has made two overnight trips and one day trip to take care of me and I absolutely love that! I spent a great 2.5 days with my mother-in-law, who came to care for me while Matt had to go out of town, getting lavished with attention and foot rubs and getting to know her better, which was truly precious and priceless. (And she did all my baby laundry--can't beat that deal!) I have come up with new and exciting ways to make PUPPP puns and jokes. And my friends have truly, truly outdone themselves with their outpouring of visits, food stuffs, and general sympathy for my affliction. Don't ask me now if I would trade the PUPPP experience for not having had it at all (I think we all know I WOULD trade it! ha!) but do ask me later when I've had some forgetting time. Because the rash will fade (although some of my hive scarring seems to be slightly more long-term), but the love and support I have felt will not.

I apologize for keeping anyone (everyone?) out of the loop for so long because I have more baby showering to report on, nursery photo updates, prizes, and more to share--will try to do so after this upcoming week, a very busy one at work. I don't want this blog to only accentuate the negative because though this pregnancy has indeed tested my patience in ways I never thought possible (really? PUPPP?!), I must try to focus on the positives of it and how my life and my character are richer because of it. I hope it will make me a more compassionate parent, a kinder wife to Matt (who's really been just the very best of loves through all my trial and disappointment), and a more generous and thoughtful friend. All of you who have taken this road with me have inspired me to be a better person in every way. So while I'll stop short of thanking PUPPP and nausea and kidney stones for all the ways they've improved my life (?), I will say thank you to my pregnancy and my son for the ways they have already changed me for the better.