Live Feeds

I have a little bit of a quirky sense of what's intolerable. For example, I don't like a hot drink from a clear vessel. I don't like a vertical fold line on my shirts. Toilet paper should really roll out from the top, not the bottom, of the roll. And when it comes to word choice, I am especially particular.

Never, have I ever, been able to keep from twitching when someone uses the S swear word to describe a bowel movement, even from an animal. It does not bother me as much if it is in reference to say, all the items amassed by a hoarder, though it's still not a word I use. (I do enjoy liberal use of the initials b.s.)

I really get irritated with the modern, casual dining waiter who jovially asks "Can I take that for you or are you still working?" I am not working; I am enjoying a meal. Perhaps it reflects a certain new social norm to "conquer" your giant plate of mediocre food, instead of nourishing yourself physically and spiritually through food and companionship. I dislike this overly fake friendly attitude among waitstaff in general and our cavalier attitude towards food as something to scratch an itch via our gullets, but because I have another point I'd like to make, I won't dwell on the major shortcomings of generic American dining/ meal times, etc. (for now).

Actually, this pervasive idea about food intake as simply a means to an end may be exactly where I find fault with referring to breastfeeding as "eating" or simply "feeding" as though breastmilk is just a readily available option on the dollar menu at a drive-thru (though it is a value!) What I specifically want to discuss is NURSING a baby and why "feeding" is not really the only objective, though most people would say it is the primary objective of offering Baby the breast. (I would say it is the primary objective... sometimes.) Therein lies the rub of what to call it. I prefer the term nursing because I feel it is the most comprehensive, but I also use breastfeeding. What I *do not* say is that Andrew needs "to feed" or that he "is eating." In my mind, to do so misses the point of nourishing Baby by putting him in the arms of his mother. "To feed" sounds to me like I may as well set him in the trough and have him take his food Viking-style. If he were simply eating, his food could come from anywhere or anyone. But it doesn't.

Nursing comes from the mother, with the warmth and softness and heartbeat of the mother that Baby has known his whole life. Sure, when I am nursing Andrew, he is getting nutrition and hydration from my milk, but he is also getting antibodies for good health, the security of a warm and familiar place, and a human connection--someone who talks and sings to him, creating neuropathways and enhancing sensory development. Nursing is, in short, a way to meet Baby's every need and critical to his development: cognitively, emotionally, physically... To refer to doing something that miraculous as "feeding" is a major downgrade.

I have been asked several times if I ever pump so that Matt can have the joy of feeding Andrew. I have nothing against pumping for future times when I am not available, but no, I don't do this. Bottle feeding Andrew, even if it is breast milk, cannot bring Matt the joy that nursing brings me. And it cannot meet Andrew's needs in the same way. Simply put, that is not Matt's role. Though I often feel like I'm banging my head into a wall when I say to Matt "it's not just about hunger!," Matt also understands: it's not his role. He is the other important relationship to Andrew that teaches that love does not have to come with a snack.

In the very early days of nursing, when my milk was slow to come in and my nipples were painfully sore, I knew that come hell or high water, I would keep nursing. (And not just because I sort of consider myself invincible after the pregnancy from Hades.) Not only is it perfect nutrition for Baby, it is a mood-enhancer for me, releasing oxytocin and endorphins to help me deal with the adjustments to motherhood. It is healing, restorative, miraculous, and a beautiful way to bond with your child in a way that no one else in the world can.

After considering all this, how can anyone think of this perfect dance between mother and baby as a feed? What am I? Google reader? As for me and Andrew, we will nurse.




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