A Care Provider That Cares

Sorry for my long absence, y'all. I was emotional. I was sick. I was tired. But I think things are on the upswing. Second trimester is a week and 2 days away. Whoop whoop!

I had my first prenatal appointment with my doc, or rather my doc's bullying minion, Friday, Feb 5 and to say it did not go well would be an understatement of epic proportion. No, I didn't get chased around with an X-Ray machine or sit in a tobacco-filled room of creepy dudes, but it was emotionally very charged. There were a lot of *surprise* diagnostic tests and procedures, little time for my questions or objections, and absolutely no respect or regard for my wishes to not simply be put on the conveyor belt that seems to be modern pregnancy.

Let me say right off that I do NOT judge anyone for having every test the doctor wants to give or she wants to take. I respect everyone's options and the fact that each woman should be able to say what is right for her and her pregnancy. By the same token, I would like being able to refuse certain procedures, to be respected, and to be treated like a thinking person who has feelings and fears, and like other women, wants what I perceive to be the very best care for me and my baby. At the very, very, very least, I would like to be informed when a procedure is being performed and if I have a question about it, I would not like a judging, bullying face with an expression that looks like they are about to report me to CPS to be the response.

So it didn't go well at the doctor and I spent the whole day and subsequent weekend crying and pondering my options. I made an appointment with a midwife in Tyler who WILL come to Nacogdoches to offer a home birth, but will also open up her birthing center to me, should I choose to have baby there.

I went to see her today and I love her! I am almost relieved I had such a terrible doctor's appointment because it made me seek her out. She gave me a hug. She supported me emotionally. She answered my questions in a non-judgey way and she reviewed all procedures, options, choices, etc., gave me information, and was just simply kind and caring without charging me a penny or obligating me to her in any way. Then after the consultation, she asked me if I wanted to hear baby's heartbeat. I did and I heard it! Baby even gave the Doppler a few healthy kicks to let us know s/he was active in there. It was so joyful and not at all like the Doppler assault I experienced at my doctor's office. I am so happy! I am so relieved! Matt is also happy and relieved that I am happy and he has even agreed to home birth, birth center birth, water birth--whatever I want. It feels great to be myself and have that decision supported. :)